My best friend and I have this expression, “we don’t suffer through.” Meaning, I’m not going to sit here silently suffering through a bad date, I’m not going to suffer through a gross meal, I’m not going to suffer through a miserable job. I’m simply not doing it.
I was catching up with another friend over matcha and explaining this philosophy to her, and she took it a step further by adding that “there’s no prize waiting for you at the end of suffering through a bad experience.”
That literally made me sit back for a second and nod my head like damn, you’re so right.
There’s no metal or merit in wasting 5 years of your life at a job you absolutely hate. You don’t get a trophy or even a pat on the back for sticking around for longer than you needed for something that wasn’t serving you. Sis. What are you trying to prove?
It’s okay to walk away. It’s okay to stand up for yourself. It’s okay to remove yourself from a situation that isn’t doing it for you anymore.
What’s not okay is putting your needs or priorities on the back burner to make someone else feel more comfortable. It can be as small as asking someone to adjust the air or as big as shutting a conversation down that is making you uncomfortable. We. Don’t. Suffer. Through.
This mindset has saved me a lot of time, heartbreak, and hassle over the years. Think about how much time you’ve spent suffering through a situation that you could have simply walked away from?
If you have a hard time setting or keeping boundaries, or if the idea of standing up for yourself feels like a foreign concept, here are 3 ways you can start saying “no” and stop suffering through.
- Start Small and Build the Muscle
Practice speaking up in a low-stakes situation first, like choosing a restaurant you actually want to go to instead of just going along with the group. The more you practice saying no or voicing your opinion, the easier it will be when speaking up really matters. - Be Clear & Firm Without Overexplaining
You don’t owe anyone a dissertation on why you’re not doing something. A simple, confident “That doesn’t work for me” or “I’m not available” is enough. Overexplaining invites debate, and we don’t have time for that. - Remember the Cost of Saying Yes
Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you’re borrowing time and energy from the things that actually matter to you. Ask yourself, “If I say yes to this, what am I saying no to for me?”
Everyone and everything doesn’t deserve you. Your time and energy are too precious to be wasted on things that are not for you.
xx
